My first post: a little about me.

Here we go... I have become a REAL computer nerd now. I have friendster, myspace, discogs (for techno computer nerds), two personal websites, and now, I officially have a blog. (By the way, I hate that word, "blog.") I suppose my brother's influence on me is still very prevalent in my life. He has a blog, so now I have one. (I remember being a little kid, being his pesky little brat sister who wanted to do everything he learned to do. Go figure.)

So what is a blog for, exactly? Is it for me, or for you, or for both? Who will read it? Why? I guess I should post a disclaimer first....

DISCLAIMER: This blog as titled, is just my rants & ramblings in the heat of the moment. I write to release energy, or record profound thoughts and experiences. Some of the words I write may not have residual value in my perception of the universe. I will, to the best of my abilities, re-visit old ideas and try to explain why they are no longer valid, or if they have evolved into a higher consciousness.

Having said that, here is some background.

I am an aspiring artist and musician. I do graphic design, painting, drawing, and dabble in photography. I recently finished at a school where I am now certified in Graphic Design and Computer Graphics. My art and music is an extension of myself and what I may be thinking or feeling at that given moment, but both can be received and interpreted by my audience in whichever way they see fit. I enjoy all kinds of music, but I am obsessed and absorbed in my own; I am a DJ who spins electro, techno, house, tribal, basically anything good. In the past I listened to hard rock, hip-hop, industrial, blues, and soul. I like the enigmatic structure of electronica, where the listener takes out of it what they want. Bands just don't do it for me anymore, because DJs give you a journey while bands give you several five-minute lessons split up by two seconds of silence. I found that I liked songs bands played, but I didn't like their whole CDs. As a DJ I can take pieces of songs and blend them together. I can take several influences of many different types of musicians and put my own creative twist on it.

As of now I reside in Santa Rosa, a small city in Northern California in Sonoma County, boasting of wine country and a gorgeous countryside of redwoods, rolling hills, oak trees, beautiful flowers, rivers, rugged coastlines, and awesome weather. In the near future I will trade this lifestyle in search of a more exciting urban atmosphere, One thing Santa Rosa lacks: a good nightlife. Try to find a place to eat that is open after 10 pm... good luck. And the music here is great if you like hippie rock, punk music, or alternative rock. But if you like electronica, you better like house or trance music because techno is shunned and avoided like the black plague. That being my favorite genre, I have had to edit myself and play only the house and breaks records I own in this area, because of unimaginative promoters who tell me what to spin. Only a few give me the liberty of playing anything I want...

My struggle: I constantly desire more out of this life than I get. I suppose it drives me to do better, but it also turns me into a workaholic, thus I become slightly moody and unaccepting of others (the joys of retail). Take a look at what I wrote in my journal 2 weeks before finals:

"Finals week closing in like impending doom. Stressed. I feel like ranting.
It seems like I'm always waiting for something cool to happen, and when something does, it slips away before I realize it's happening and suddenly I'm bored again. Why does it seem like I am always doing the things I don't want to do and never doing the things I want to do? Then you set a goal, and you trudge forward toward that goal, all the time waiting for the bus, or in line at a bank, or at work for the day to be over, or at school waiting for them to give you a piece of paper that tells the world you are smart and you finished something. The whole time, beats are in the back of your brain, and they sound much better than the commercial shit on the radio that just WON'T GO AWAY. The beats in your head even sound much better than the opening DJs that spin before the DJs you went to the club for. It doesn't matter though, because my thesis is due in less than two weeks and instead of doing it I am ranting on discogs and cruising around myspace. I work well under pressure, but my head might explode.

i know, i know... it will all be over soon..."

In my life art is my religion, and music is the form of art that consumes me. I am interested in anything beautiful, from painting to photography, to landscaping gardens, etc... While all forms of art evoke emotion, music is the only one that continually pleases you. It is the epitome of appreciating life as you live it. To see some of my artwork, visit the following website: http://djdylema.bravehost.com/deannsart.html
Our household is a little family of three people, nine fish tanks, and four cats. 3 boys and 4 girls. My new little girl Emma cat is the crazy one. I didn't want another cat but she's so damn cute she tricked me. I only have one fish tank, the rest belong to my roommate Jarid. He's the fish guru, yo.

Once in awhile we tromp off to our most hated city of convoluted hilly-ness, San Francisco. There we meet up with our favorite DJs who are most likely from either the East Coast or Europe. Not that there isn't some talent around here. I have a short attention span sometimes. I can't listen to the same music over and over again. I am constantly searching for the freshest sound. I listen to hundreds of sets, live, on the internet, on cds, and I study DJs to help fine tune my own sound. Spinning records is innately about standing on the shoulders of other musicians that came before you. I love all the genres, and once again with my mild case of ADHD, i often genre hop in one set because I don't feel like it's going anywhere if it's not moving to another genre. If a promoter tells me to spin house or breaks, I usually sneak in some techno and electro in. Currently, Green Velvet is played a lot.

I like it when DJs keep you on your toes. It takes a special kind of DJ to interest me. Someone whose sound you can't describe in just a few words. Someone who has a unique style, who doesn't do the same mixes over and over. Someone who maintains a consistent flow and driving beat throughout the set. I need different sets for different moods. A DJ who can read a crowd and give them what they want, while still staying true to the integrity of their own sound. I used to get hero complexes over DJs when I was just a fan, but the more I get involved, the more I know that you must separate the music from the person. Adam X told me that, "Good music is good music. Even if the guy's an asshole, if it's a good record, I'll play it."

DJing is a tough business. Sometimes you can have loads of talent but no experience or loads of potential but no connections. Some of the best DJs are unknown in the clubs and the masses. I haven't pushed it yet, but I love playing in front of people. I am picky about music but I like anything good. Nigel Richards always plays what I want to hear no matter what genre he spins, his mixing is on point and his productions are tight. He's my biggest influence, but I draw inspiration from many other DJs and producers as well. Over the years of following Nigel's sound, we have become friends and I learn a lot from him. I tell everyone about his music, because I think you should show support for good people making good music. It can only make the scene better overall to spread the word.

I don't dance much at parties anymore, I just watch how the DJs work it. I think I have a lot to learn about everything to do with being a professional DJ. (If you know something I should know, please tell me.) But I love playing records because it's displaying your own taste in music to the world while at the same time putting together this intricate puzzle. Talent comes in how you present the music. I'm a pretty small girl but I play some tough music. I think it confuses people which is funny. The only thing that should be fluffy is cute little bunnies and kitty cats, not music! I am drawn to music with depth, intricacy, a nice hard beat, a slight dark edginess, and a driving force behind it. No matter what you spin you should be drawing the listener in with each song. I don't like the listener to know where they're going. It's better when it's a surprise.

People who know me know that they should never ask me my opinion about music unless they want to get into a long, in-depth analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of some particular artist. I am very out of the loop about all the pop culture and don't listen to the radio much, but I know about some obscure techno that lots of other people have never heard of. I learned to read music at a very early age, it was my second language. I feel like I have a strong grasp on what is true talent and what is cookie-cutter nonsense.

Techno is the raw, essential form of music, the stripped down beat. It is the barebones sound. I feel it the most because it is the one that is most open to the DJ and the listener's perspective. I think it is made to be played as an artist's pallette, taking pieces of songs and blending and piecing them together into your own soundscape. Lots of people don't understand techno and lots of people hate it too. But that's okay. We all have our own tastes. I wish other people understood that too.

But on the other hand, I've met a lot of good people on my journey to find the ultimate sound.

Other than my music, I constantly work on building relationships with my friends and the people around me. I have a lot of trouble trusting most people, but those in my inner circle are people that I depend on. I often think about people and the situations I am in, and how to make my connections with people stronger. I've been dealing with the ironies of life a lot lately. Sometimes both opposites of a statement seem true. It makes it really hard to distinguish right from wrong as I get older. I wonder if anything I've been taught about life or the way the world works is even true. And I don't really believe people anymore. No one is the same person from day to day. No experience is the same for two different people, so no story is true, even your own. Everything is in this delicate balance of your own perception of it, your mood, your physical condition, and the way your life is going in every aspect of it. Small things can give you joy when life is on the ups, but the same things can't do a thing for you when something major is going wrong. I'm losing my ability to truly have hero complexes for anyone anymore. I feel like a strong person, but trying to be righteous and good takes all of my energy and leaves me confused at times. People seem frail but beautiful. Necessary but damaging. Connections to people keep me going every day and I need their human contact, but the amount of love you have for them is the same amount of hurt you feel when they let you down.

Okay, I guess this is enough rambling for one day... it was my first one, so it was a bit long...